Dear
#Fediverse,
CONTENT WARNING, may be upsetting to some readers, contains descriptions of unfortunate dating situations.
---
I've had the pleasure of meeting some good men through
#Mastodon but as a female who grew up in the southeastern United States, I can also (sadly) verify the truths of this Substack post.
I wish I could tell you a totally different story. I really do. But I carry a can of pepperspray on my keychain. It's covered with glitter so as to look unremarkable. I bought an armload of them last year, and passed them out to female relatives, friends, and
#immigrant coworkers, plus a couple of
#Trans coworkers.
None of that would have protected women in their own private homes, from their own husbands.
And this abuse is so common that I stopped even trying any form of
#onlinedating due to the overwhelming number of men who made it clear straight away that my only valid purpose on this earth (in their opinions) was to satisfy their immediate need for sex. Even some of the men who seemed nice during online chats went there immediately after getting my phone number, or meeting in person. In one case, I narrowly escaped sexual violence. In most cases, I was sent unsolicited close-ups of the man's genitalia.
I was forced to change my
#dating rules again and again, tightening my restrictions on when and where I was willing to meet, refusing to give out personal info until I had run a formal background check. I even put that in writing on my dating profile, but one guy was still angry when I discovered his arrests for violence against prior girlfriends. Another guy was angry because I didn't want to date a man whose driver's license was suspended due to alcohol abuse (driving while intoxicated).
After 10+ years of trying almost every free or paid online dating app or website, I can attest from firsthand experience that at least 80% of the men I encountered went directly or almost directly to describing in detail their specific sexual fantasies and then asking me to participate, either in online conversations, or by meeting at their homes, or meeting at a hotel.
After 10+ years of online dating, I can also say I met a small number of genuinely nice, respectful men too. Most of them had large numbers of children, though, and were heavily in debt, due to child support. I felt bad for them, but that was a package deal I didn't want to take on.
After 10+ years, I had only met one man that I regret letting get away, but that was at the end of that decade spent trying, and I guess I had a touch of PTSD. I do hope he found someone nice.
🐿️
