2026-09-17 10:34 UTC
Replies (9)
-
@olena@mementomori.social 2026-09-17 14:02
@AnAutieAtUni@beige.party @autistics@fedigroups.social yes, but idk how much of that is masking and how much is just what I’ve been taught to do since childhood. My mom (who, as I think, also is autistic) used to not let us get our schoolmates home (or visit their homes) because it may be untidy and it’s a shame to have something out of place/out of order/not perfectly clean at home when people visit. Every time we had guests, there was a big cleaning/preparation before, even though the home already was clean to begin with because my mom did the cleaning (when we were young, later tasked us with that) every day, and when I was cleaning she would criticize me mercilessly, checking for the dust under coaches and on tall shelves etc. So I got that installed deep in my head that the home should be spotless, perfectly ordered every time someone visits and that it’s a big shame to show it imperfect. Years of leaving in student dorm with frequent inspections on the order and cleanness also didn’t help. I know it doesn’t make sense, I know it’s exaggerated, but I can’t stop feeling immense shame if someone visits me and there is a crumb on the floor or some things are out of their place.
-
@vicorva@mastodon.art 2026-09-17 10:46
@AnAutieAtUni@beige.party Yes, absolutely. I find it easier with autistic visitors I know well, where I tidy only as much as I feel able and trust they will understand when sometimes I can't. For visitors that I am not as close with and are not autistic, I feel much more pressure to make things perfect, crushingly so. I found having a conversation about house tidiness and visitors with trusted friends made it easier, because it turned out we would all be understanding.
-
@autoperipatetikos@neurodifferent.me 2026-09-17 11:31
@AnAutieAtUni@beige.party @autistics@fedigroups.social I have a hard time with this. There are certain friends I know are kind and don't mind the things I'm self conscious about. But it's all so unknown. There are a few family members I can't quite fathom out. I've witnessed one of them being rather unkind about an aunt's house (but not to her face) and I feel like she needs to make herself feel good by criticizing others. I would never say to my husband that he couldn't welcome his family or friends here, so I have to just cope the best I can. I think the worst thing for me is when we need work done and they have go in all the areas that guests don't see that I'm really ashamed of.
-
@benjamincox@writing.exchange 2026-09-17 11:43
@AnAutieAtUni@beige.party @autistics@fedigroups.social I live with my parents and I definitely still mask at home. Other than my support groups, I don’t think I do unmask. 😔
-
@thisislieven@c.im 2026-09-17 11:56
@AnAutieAtUni@beige.party @autistics@fedigroups.social Very few people know my home address (or home country for that matter) and the few that do absolutely know not to just drop by. There's nothing wrong with my home, I keep it tidy and spent a lot of effort making it just right for me but it's also my one place of peace and solitude (unless I get into my own head which is ...often).
-
@me@social.jlamothe.net 2026-09-17 12:26
@AnAutieAtUni@beige.party @autistics@fedigroups.social So, I do still need to mask to some extent at home (though not in the way you describe) for the sake of my partner (although much, much less than I need to in public). Interestingly enough, when it comes to preparing our home for guests, she's much more intense about that than I am. We are both different flavours of neurospicy.
-
@pathfinder@beige.party 2026-09-17 13:56
@AnAutieAtUni@beige.party @autistics@fedigroups.social I'm not entirely sure I would class it as masking. But I am always very anxious about people in my home. Which is why I rarely have them. I'm not exactly house proud. I believe a house should be lived in and hate visiting homes that basically have all the soul of a show house. But I do tend to do enough work to move my home from extremely, but not dirty, lived in status to something slightly more organised and normal, for want of a better word.
-
@coppercauldronart@sunny.garden 2026-09-17 14:56
@AnAutieAtUni@beige.party @autistics@fedigroups.social I don’t think it has to do with my AuDHD but I can‘t cope with anyone coming by unannounced 😭 I just got an intense anxiety spike because someone was coming over to buy a used electronic item and they came inside to see if the device works 🥲 In my family there often was mess, and some people could be qualified as hoarders in hindsight, so „people coming over“ is a huge trigger! I‘m working on it but have been known to do day-long anxiety-fuelled deep-cleanses before receiving visitors, often resulting in a meltdown. I wish I could just not care!
-
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to 2026-09-17 17:47
@AnAutieAtUni@beige.party ooh yes I sooo relate to this! I am literally practising this. Like when I invite people who I feel don't have the same issue and have me over in a chaotic or less tidy home, reminding myself that it's OK for me to so that too. "It's OK if it looks like someone lives here". But it's so hard especially having grown up with extremely judgemental parents! So I try to practice a middle ground of course I don't want it to be filthy or look like we're loosing a game of Jumanji but I can have my crafting out or our playing cards/puzzles etc..