@AnAutieAtUni@beige.party @autistics@fedigroups.social yes, but idk how much of that is masking and how much is just what I’ve been taught to do since childhood. My mom (who, as I think, also is autistic) used to not let us get our schoolmates home (or visit their homes) because it may be untidy and it’s a shame to have something out of place/out of order/not perfectly clean at home when people visit. Every time we had guests, there was a big cleaning/preparation before, even though the home already was clean to begin with because my mom did the cleaning (when we were young, later tasked us with that) every day, and when I was cleaning she would criticize me mercilessly, checking for the dust under coaches and on tall shelves etc. So I got that installed deep in my head that the home should be spotless, perfectly ordered every time someone visits and that it’s a big shame to show it imperfect. Years of leaving in student dorm with frequent inspections on the order and cleanness also didn’t help. I know it doesn’t make sense, I know it’s exaggerated, but I can’t stop feeling immense shame if someone visits me and there is a crumb on the floor or some things are out of their place.