#jokes

What do you call a reindeer who can write with his left and his right hoof? Bambidextorous. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I need training before I start my new job at a restaurant. I can’t wait. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Welcome to the "Menu du Pripyat" ☢️ Working the night shift (11 PM - 7 AM) for 6 months straight with zero days off at a hotel is bad enough. But the real health hazard? Our head chef. I literally call his daily staff specials the “Menu du Pripyat”. The man was committing actual culinary crimes on a daily basis, leaving my midnight dinner out on the kitchen counter in a 35°C+ environment for 12 hours straight before I could even touch it. It wasn't cooking. Ιt was full-on uranium enrichment. I'm pretty sure the spinach rice was radioactive and the pork chops were mutating into new life forms by 3 AM. You literally needed a Geiger counter instead of a fork to eat that stuff. My stomach survived a literal nuclear meltdown, but after a massive showdown with management, my dinner is finally, officially locked inside the fridge every single night. OpSec applies to cybersecurity, but out here in the galley, it applies to your survival. #IT #Jokes #Fun #Cybersecurity #Chef #Culinary #Eating #Corporate #Hotel #Rights #HumanRights #Work #ShouldISayForYouPageHere #LOL

A couple of my friends went to a shop selling half price flat fish. Cheap skates. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’m delighted to have beaten my friend in a wood cutting competition. He’s a saw loser. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Tommy Smothers: Soap, Soap, Soap, Soap, Soap, Soap, Soap, Soap. Dick Smothers: What are you singing? Tommy: About 8 bars. #Soap #Jokes

is the mass market #xmpp client ready yet, son? #dev #developer #jokes #meme #programmer #programmer_humor #humor

After my close encounter with Dracula, my friend asked if I saw how many fangs he had. I said, “I don’t know, I didn’t get close enough to Count.” #funny #jokes #dadjokes

"Yes, English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though." #English #jokes

Can we give a yellow card to a headline writer? #news #jokes

Childish Humour for Mature Adults POOPIE #Jokes #Poop #LOL

Rosie asks, "What do you call someone who exhumes bodies?" "The Body Digger-Upper" There's probably two and a half generations in the US now who don't even know who Rosie is... #Humor #Jokes #GenX

🚨 Just got off the phone with Mitch McConnell 🚨 He says my package is sitting at the depot and I need to click the link to reschedule delivery. Sir. Senator. Please. #MitchMcConnell #ScamCall #jokes #GOP #Comedy

🇫🇷 Un peu d'humour pour démarrer le weekend :

• Ce matin, j'étais en train de définir un mot de passe de reconnaissance vocale pour mon nouveau téléphone quand un chien, à proximité de moi, à aboyé et s'est enfui. Maintenant, je suis à la recherche de ce chien pour déverrouiller mon téléphone!

• Le monde serait un endroit merveilleux si les gens étaient vraiment comme ils sont décrits à leur enterrement.

Et une dernière pour la route :

Après qu'il a été chassé du paradis terrestre, Adam a dit :

• Une seule femme... et il a fallu qu'elle me tombe dessus!

🇬🇧 A little humor to start the weekend:

• This morning I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone when a dog near me barked and ran away. Now I'm looking for this dog to unlock my phone!

*The world would be a wonderful place if people were truly as they are described at their funeral.

One last :

After he was cast out of Eden, Adam said:

• Just one woman... and she had to catch me!

#humour #blagues #Jokes

#funny #meme #it #dev #development #software #joke #memes #jokes #fun #comic #comics #programming

Good Morning! Everyone ready for the week? #funnies #jokes #dadjokes #lol

March remind: Don't forget to spay & neuter ur fascists! #silly #jokes #kindofjokes #rustyscissors

#linux #elementary #jokes