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#joke

55 posts · Last used 11d

Morpheus Being - AUS @MorpheusB@aus.social
· 1mo ago
Boosted by @oxy@social.bsdlab.au
#Joke #Humour A shrewd antique dealer from London was driving through the Somerset countryside when he stopped for petrol. As he walked past a run-down cottage, he noticed a stray tabby cat drinking milk from a shallow saucer on the porch. The dealer took one look at the saucer and nearly stopped breathing. It was genuine Ming dynasty porcelain, worth at least £25,000. Determined to make the deal of his life, he knocked on the door. An elderly man answered. “Good afternoon, sir. I couldn’t help noticing that lovely cat on your porch. My mother has been terribly lonely lately, and he looks just like a cat she had when she was young. Would you take £20 for him?” The old man scratched his beard. “Aye, lad. That sounds fair enough.” The dealer handed him £20 and picked up the cat. After taking a couple of steps, he turned back casually. “Oh, by the way, would you mind throwing in that old saucer? The cat’s used to drinking from it, so it might help him settle in.” The old man chuckled. “Not on your life, mate. That’s my lucky saucer. I’ve sold thirty-four cats from this porch just this month alone.”
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Rob Thomas [Admin m.au] @xrobau@mastodon.au
· 1mo ago
Ooh a local thing in #trending #news -- although it's probably not a good thing. Yes, the Fitzroy River in #Rockhampton DOES have a pile of Crocs. Yes, Saltwater Crocs, the ones that eat people. But it hardly ever happens. I think it's been almost a year since the last person was eaten! https://www.bbc.com/sport/olympics/articles/cqvgy1m9z4k8o #joke #sorta #itsBeenThreeYears
River that is home to crocodiles chosen to host 2032 Olympic rowing and canoe events
bbc.com

River that is home to crocodiles chosen to host 2032 Olympic rowing and canoe events

A river that is home to about 100 saltwater crocodiles is given the OK to host Olympic and Paralympic rowing and canoeing events at the 2032 Brisbane Games.

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Jay Jay @chainz@privacysafe.social
· 3mo ago
One of my friends said they were getting a bit hungry while we were hanging out just chilling and watching TV so he said he was going to Order Pizza or something like it I think it was Pizza but I Stopped em and said No need let me do Ya a "SALAD" I love my puns:) #joke
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Morpheus Being - AUS @MorpheusB@aus.social
· 3mo ago
#Joke #Humour A CEO walks into his office and sees a man sitting on a sofa, scrolling through his phone. The CEO asks, “What are you doing?” The man replies, “Just wasting time until I get paid.” Furious, the CEO demands, “What’s your weekly salary?” “$1,000,” the man answers. The CEO pulls out $2,000, hands it to the man, and says, “Here. Take this money and get out! You don’t work here anymore!” Without a word, the man takes the money and leaves. A few moments later, the CEO walks over to the receptionist and asks, “By the way, who was that guy?” The receptionist replies, “The pizza delivery driver.”
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Morpheus Being - AUS @MorpheusB@aus.social
· 3mo ago
#joke #Humour #NSFW One evening a farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed two buckets to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of it. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The farmer frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the crocodile”.
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