@mayorbeetles@pagan.plus these are all valid worries. One of my favorite things about ENM is that, when it's healthy, it gives people the space to feel these big, heavy emotions and communicate them with others while also giving the other people space to have boundaries. As a femme person, when I'd have monogamy with masc people, their jealousy always turned into a thing that was my responsibility to fix. Really, a lot of my overall frustrations with (arguably cultural) monogamy is this assumed codependence between the parties where there's little meaningful communication and full responsibility for the other person's mental well-being. ENM communication, specifically, helped give me the tools to figure out how to have boundaries on what was actually my responsibility. It also helped me realize that there's no one better than me, just different. And that shitty, abusive people exist in any relationship system and will be shitty, abusive people. ENM gave me permission to not try to save them.