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  “The only way to solve your problems is complete emotional repression and violence” -British people #monsterdon

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  I was over ten pounds. Maybe that’s why my mom hated me? #monsterdon

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  Querying the database? I thought you said queering the database. My bad. I’ll delete.

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  Ask not for whom the cat meows She'll bite your knee

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  @YakyuNightOwl

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  With all the nonsensical debate society bullshit being spread around, it’s time to quote Sartre again: #FreeSpeech

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  At a Mexican restaurant there’s a 6 year old singing the beans beans make you toot song, but has added several lines including “beans make you happy beans make you strong eat your beans all day long” while shoveling refried beans into his mouth. #SendToot

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  "I bit a girl and I liked it" - Kitty Perry

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  Some people bring their pets with them everywhere for support. I bring my favorite woodworking tool. It’s my coping saw.

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  We’re all in Jeopardy.

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  Anti-caking agent provocateur #DadJokes

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  As someone with a hard to spell name, I think the intentionally misspelled “unique” name trend is frustrating for the children. But I would understand unique aspirational names if they were actually about your aspirations for the child. Want your kid to be an Olympic champion swimmer? “Swimothy Fishman”. A Fields Prize winner? “Mathilda Pi”. World renowned brain surgeon? “Fixi M’noodles”.

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  Imagine being a Belgian child forced to work 12 hours a day in a poorly lit factory sewing Brussels sprouts so that another child in a far off country can make gagging noises about them on Thanksgiving.

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  The Sepp Blatter Prize for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Competitive Corruption

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  Some stupid academic fun: https://ensala.fr/AcademicSentenceGeneratorMod2/AcademicTextGenerator.html

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  One day, I will tell you about the adventures I’m on. Today is not that day.

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  @dramypsyd@ohai.social It really depends for me, and I have created both kinds, as well. I think having the face is useful if it’s a really long video because it helps focus attention. Unfortunately, long videos a with the face are the hardest to make because you have to make sure your affect matches the whole time and can’t let your expression wander off while you explain your slides.

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  @Nonya_Bidniss @zalasur I know someone who ran a small personal injury law firm. She kept a hard copy of every paper, an electronic copy on her computer, and everything backed up to local DAT daily (this was not recent). Then had a fire in the office. Complete disaster. Took years to recover. Keeping everything in one place is a recipe

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  A few weeks ago, kiddo, a minor, lost a necklace. In a desperate attempt to find it, I posted a sketch of it on Craigslist lost and found. No PII, only the anonymized Craigslist email forwarding to another anonymous throwaway email alias. I have had no luck. But today I did get an email from a weird pervert offering to buy me jewelry in exchange for… Ugh. Why are men.

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  @MedeaVanamonde @TheBreadmonkey “art in the age of mechanical reproduction” taking on a different meaning

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  @lydialurch @inthehands @lisamelton This!!

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  @MHowell @alissaazar I was thinking maybe “The Humpty Dance”?

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  Feelin’ old

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  I admit it. I’m banksy. That’s why I’m anonymous.

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  Feline personhood amendment. Full constitutional rights from the time of catception.

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  After a challenging week capped by a tough workout, there’s nothing like a shower beer. The contrast between the hot water and the cold brew… the relaxing effect of steam and alcohol… slightly transgressive but not gross like the sitting on the toilet beer… And, of course, delicious. It’s a great experience. The shower nachos, on the other hand, were a complete failure.