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  should give him enough time to find that bible passage

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  mandatory occupation medical exam doctor: any complaints? me: i mean... doctor: about your health

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  asking ai if this is part of god’s plan for me

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  "in your 80s you start thinking about death" START???

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  take it easy on the suntanning

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  the only thing more embarrassing than being caught with a plagiarized dissertation is having to admit i wrote it all myself

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  when you get a citation for a volume to which you've contributed next to nothing

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  is feeling even more down bc you're letting something stupid get you down a thing

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  tfw the customer service rep is so useless you're like ok put ai back on the line

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  breaking no contact to tell him something funny

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  prompting it to "do a breakthrough" in my research so it makes it non-pointless

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  how do you say "i woke up, i posted, i went back to sleep" in latin

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  men don't kill their partner's suitors like they used to

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  my favorite scene in the odyssey is when matt damon looks at the camera and says "i'd rather be woke than asleep"

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  then you get upset because of one guy

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  guys is it worth reading odyssey the book if you've already seen the movie

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  the only parasite we have to deal with in europe is the capitalist class

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  7yo niece: is 8+7 15 me: yes 7yo: then why did you hesitate me: i didn't 7yo: it took you like 10 minutes to answer

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  one day you're young and cool, the next you have "skin goals"

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  asked a german friend if he had any suggestions re my wrinkles and he said "accept that we're on a downward trajectory towards decay"

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  gun to your head, name a specter haunting europe

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  momentarily felt dubious at this being in french and not in the original english

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  waiter: would you like some dessert friend i won't be having lunch with again: no we're good

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  does anyone know if i should go out again to do more fieldwork even though it's about to rain and i don't feel like it

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  when i step out of the house for the first time in 3 days

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  great, now i have to reconsider atheism

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  “you already have plans for today?” yes to have it unfold exactly as I expected

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  me: i'm not a hematologist tho the algorithm: ok but the conference is in barcelona 😉