It’s okay to feel bad or angry, but don’t blame yourself. Being laid off is a violent act, a theft. They stole from you. Over twelve years, your work provided value to this company. This value flowed into constant capital (buildings, machines, laptops, tools, whatever is needed for that work). All this stuff is still there. You got paid less then you were worth to your employer, otherwise, why hire anyone? The unpaid part of your work (your surplus value) payed for all this constant capital. You didn’t control it, but at least you could use part of it in your job. Now by firing you, they made the theft complete. The market always had ups and downs, on up times, you didn’t get any fat bonus. On down times you just get let go. The antidote to feeling bad about it is doing something about it. Join a Marxist org, read theory, join a union.