Personal Wallflower moment - stop reading if you do not want my raw thoughts about me and others: Since the weather started to shift here my skin has been going through periods of eczema rashes on my face and other parts and it's making me feel sad, upset, old and ugly. (I think it is the weather and not that I introduced an irritant, but always a possibility.) This morning I shared a photo of me. Carefully angled away from residual spots. I had several comment to me publicly and privately about how I looked pretty. It was a surprise to me bc I thought I looked very "meh." I was very "minimalistic" as I just try to heal (and knew no one would otherwise see me today). This has me thinking tonight about how I spend a lot of time trying to apologize for various aspects of myself that I do not even see as flaws but anticipate them as unacceptable flaws by others because that is what humans have shown me over my lifetime, or told me explicitly or implicitly. Both physical traits and traits of my personality. I am really quite done with people judging me with no grace. (A message to some: Like actually, you are not the fucking bomb, either. Get off the fucking couch. Do something to make things better for yourself and others rather than focusing on tearing me apart.) I spend a lot of time psycho-analyzing myself. I do not need help from people who won't change their own situation! I am powerful. I am willing to disrupt my life in profound ways for what calculates as a potential for something better. Sure I operate on hope. But I always conduct risk analysis and an option analysis. I'm not stupid, I just prefer having fun and ignoring bad things. Thank you to anyone who read it all. 💜 We all need to give a little grace. Good night, dears.