this is my growing list of phrases i use to fight my avpd (avoidant personality disorder). they help me remember the things i actually believe instead of the lies my disorder is telling me to believe. i often refer to it as "sinlm cej", which is an acronym for the first entry and a half in the list. ----- sadness is no longer mandatory. chase every joy you desire. all we can do is try again. i will drag my loved ones with me to the better future we all deserve whether they like it or not. i can just do the thing, it's fine. others do not benefit from my self-hate. living expressively and authentically is fighting fascism. those around me find joy and fulfillment in seeing and assisting my happiness, just as i do theirs. embarrassment and guilt are different things. food, water, meds, weed, sleep, sun. when i cant trust my own perception, i can trust the proven safety of my support system to tell me what is real. feeling a negative emotion is not an implicit act of violence against others. feeling a positive emotion is not an implicit act of violence against others. my friendships and my place in my community are not dependent on living up to extreme, unreasonable expectations. i trust my friends to be straightforward with me and not hide negativity in subtext. nobody you look up to is better than you are. being given helpful knowledge by a friend is an act of support, not judgment. coping mechanisms that hurt me long term are not useful or productive. things will be okay as long as we have each other. no one will be mad at me for starting to feel better. revel in the chaos. i trust that my friends will continue to love and support me and they trust i will do the same. external validation of my worth doesnt tell me anything i dont already know. having friends is encouraged and no one can tell me not to. try to internalize the nice things said to you and not the imaginary things said to you. the present is my past self's future. i can give my past self the good future my past self deserves by taking care of myself in the present. the suffering i have experienced from my mental illness is not a personal failing. i need to push myself to defy the self repressions i inflict upon me. self worth can be fleeting and difficult to hold on to, but creativity is the exercise that builds the muscle so we can someday clutch it tight. the bigotry i routinely experience is not my fault. i can learn to trust my friends' faith in me and use that confidence to do the things they know i can do. abusers in my past cant stop me from living my best life. my joy makes my community a better place. from each according to their ability, to each according to whatever the fuck they want