Post by @joomy@functional.cafe

2025-12-20 02:20 UTC

the UNIX v4 tape reminded me of this story by Ali Akurgal about Turkish bureaucracy: Do you know what the unit of software is? A meter! Do you know why? In 1992, we did our first software export at Netaş. We wrote the software, pressed a button, and via the satellite dish on the roof, at the incredible speed of 128 kb/s, we sent it to England. We sent the invoice by postal mail. $2M arrived at the bank. 3-4 months passed, and tax inspectors came. They said, “You sent an invoice for $2M?” “Yes,” we said. “This money has been paid?” they asked. “Yes,” we said. “But there is no goods export; this is fictitious export,” they said! So we took the tax inspectors to R&D and sat them in front of a computer. “Would you press this ‘Enter’ key?” we asked. One of them pressed it, then asked, “What happened?” “You just made a $300k export, and we’ll send its invoice too, and that will be paid as well,” we said. The man felt terrible because he had become an accomplice! Then we explained how software is written, what a satellite connection is, and how much this is worth. They said, “We understand, but there has to be a physical goods export; that’s what the regulations require.” So we said: “Let’s record this software onto tape (there were no CDs back then—nor cassettes; we used ½-inch tapes) and send that.” Happy to have found a solution, they said, “Okay, record it and send it.” The software filled two reels, which were handed to a customs broker, who took them to customs and started the export procedure. The customs officer processed things and at one point asked, “Where are the trucks?” The broker said, “There are no trucks—this is all there is,” and pointed to the tape reels on the desk. The customs officer said, “These two envelopes can’t be worth $2M; I can’t process this.” We went to court, an expert committee examined whether the two reels were worth $2M. Fortunately, they ruled that they were, and we were saved from the charge of fictitious export. The same broker took the same two reels to the same customs officer, with the court ruling, and restarted the procedure. However, during the process, the unit price, quantity, and total price of the exported goods had to be entered—as per the regulations. To avoid dragging things out further, they looked at the envelope, saw that it contained tape, estimated how many meters of tape there are on one reel, and concluded that we had exported 1k to 2k meters of software. So the unit of software became the meter.

Replies (10)

@johntimaeus@infosec.exchange 2025-12-20 05:40

@joomy@functional.cafe @weirdunits@chaos.social Export value of software per meter.

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@matthewcroughan@social.defenestrate.it 2025-12-20 06:52

Similarly brainless things happen today, all the time.

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@cdonat@hostsharing.coop 2025-12-20 07:00

@joomy@functional.cafe I'm unsure, if I should be happy, that bureaucracy is the same everywhere, or horrified, because obviously, there's no escape.

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@dancer_storm@mathstodon.xyz 2025-12-20 07:56

@joomy@functional.cafe do you have the source for this quote please?

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@mia@tearoom.tearmoon.com 2025-12-20 09:01

@joomy@functional.cafe the moment I saw ‘meter’, without reading further I was like ‘oh, metres, means it's either tape or printout’ (in the 90s some Japanese companies did similar weird things but for paying for software development)

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@amy@cathode.church 2025-12-20 09:57

@joomy@functional.cafe Kinda surprised this was so unprecedented back then. Surely people had sold non tangeable things before? Patents, blueprints of designs, maybe commissioned artworks, logo designs or films.

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@steely_glint@chaos.social 2025-12-20 10:48

@joomy@functional.cafe I remember explaining this to a VAT inspector who was checking the books for our software company. Once I'd explained that we had exported an SNMP stack to a customer in Boston over the internet I then had to explain that it was open source software. In the end we agreed that we had done consultancy and that no actual goods were involved. It was a long afternoon.

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@catselbow@fosstodon.org 2025-12-20 11:22

@joomy@functional.cafe Imagining a story in which a corrupt customs officer snips off a bit of each of these valuable tapes ("They'll never miss it!") and stashes it in a box, hoping to someday be rich.

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@MorningSong@weirder.earth 2025-12-20 12:12

@joomy@functional.cafe This story reminds me of a bit from a James Thurber Story where he talks of an aunt terrified to leave light sockets empty becaise "The electricity would leak out" which sounds so silly until you think, what did we have before electric lighting? Gas lamps. Which WERE dangerous in that way. Man, living in the 20th century had to be wild.

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@mjd@mathstodon.xyz 2025-12-20 13:06

@joomy@functional.cafe I once read a story about the people writing the software for the NASA Apollo missions. There was a functionary in charge of weight accounting, who came to them and asked how much the software would weigh. They told him it weighted nothing, but the functionary had heard *that* one before and insisted—everything had to be accounted down to the last ounce. He demanded to see it. They showed him a stack of punched cards, and he was triumphant. “You see,” he said smugly, “it doesn't weigh only ‘nothing’!” “No, you misunderstand,” they replied. “The cards aren't going on the spacecraft. Only the holes.”

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